Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Loss

My husband was asked for his resignation from our church this Monday. I did not see this coming! I always thought Corey would be the one to decide when it was time to leave.

The last few months, I've felt such a strong sense of family there! I've been attending the church for over 5 years now and Corey's been associate pastor for 3. I think Corey's talked about being done ever since he started, and there were times I was ready to leave as well. Funny thing is, he was finally feeling like things were really going well and I was feeling like I could never leave the family that I've found. And then this...

I'm utterly lost! I balled my eyes out Monday night, felt kind of numb yesterday and balled again tonight at youth group. I feel like I'm losing my family! I am.

The youth seemed lost after hearing the news, and it breaks my heart!

I've done a lot of moving and gone through many changes, many churches since college. Each change was made smoothly, with an anticipation of the adventure. Saying good-bye was always sad, but not too difficult. Perhaps that's how it is when you're young and single.

But I've gone through the most changes in my life just since I've been at Bethel. Changes spiritually, theologically, and personally. I got married in that church, became "the wife of the associate pastor", met one of my best friends, had my first baby... I can't believe how much of my life has happened in that church!

And I don't want to start over. I'm not that young, single girl anymore. I was perfectly content with my life, and now my life has been thrown topsy-turvy.

God has a plan. He has to. But he never makes sense! At first anyway.

It hurts. It hurts real bad. And it makes me think that as a wife of a man in ministry, I should keep my relationships shallow, because inevitably you'll leave the church at some point, and with it all those friendships. Maybe you don't have to leave all the friendships, but it's just not the same when you no longer are working side by side with a common goal.

I love my Bethel family. I truly don't know what I'm going to do without them.

10 comments:

Fireball McFain said...

:(

kathy said...

Please don't leave. I know Corey said he was done but I feel like all happened too quickly without the input of all involved. I love you guys and believe that if it truly is in the best interest of Bethel for Corey to be done then we will all come to that conclusion together. This has been decided without counsel of the "church"-- I feel strongly this is wrong. We all need to pray about this-- this is huge-- We voted Corey into the position he holds we should have a say in such a decision----shouldn't we??? My heart is with you guys!!!!

toby said...

If Corey was voted in then he could be voted out as well, unless he was asked to resign and agreed with that decision,Kathy.

Keelie, you will move on. I was apart of a church family in Frederic, Fort Worth and Vanderbilt. I hold all those relationships dear and I remember them well and they hold a special place in my heart and I think of them all in different ways.

Besides, I think you'll continue your relationships with some of the people whom you were close to and those relationships will only be inriched (ex: us).

Keep heart and continue to support Corey, he needs you more than he knows or admits.

kathy said...

Toby my only desire is to have a say (vote) by the people of the church.
I do agree with you though Toby. Keelie should support Corey.(I know you do--Keelie:))
You will move on -- I know you guys will be fine. It is only my selfishness wanting to hold on to the two of you, for that I am truly sorry.

Keelie said...

Kathy, you are not selfish, nor do you need to apologize! I would be even more hurt if you didn't care! I love you!

Rodmaster said...

"And I don't want to start over. I'm not that young, single girl anymore"

Yeah, what will you do old lady!?!

By God's Grace, you will move on and fall in love with another group of people. You will carry over some of these friends, but gain a whole lot more.

Besides, who could not like you? It is Corey I am worried about...

watchman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keelie said...

Thanks Jay! I know things will be fine; it just felt kind of hopeless in the beginning. I'm not as adventurous as I used to be. And with a baby, I feel an even stronger need to have those close relationships!

P.S. Corey did not post a comment and delete it - it was me; I forgot I was on under his account.

Jenn said...

I'm sorry, Keelie. Maybe this is your sign (wink) that you should move to the Pacific Northwest and interpret here, for my students, and work with me again! WE NEED YOU!!!!

Jenn said...

I'm sorry, Keelie. Maybe this is your sign (wink) that you should move to the Pacific Northwest and interpret here, for my students, and work with me again! WE NEED YOU!!!!