Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Latest

My body finally had enough - I started getting sick the end of last week. I was surprised it took 4 weeks before it decided to shut down - must be a mom thing, 'cause I never do well with little sleep! Frustration was setting in! No sleep and now I'm sick! Then Sunday night he went 4 1/2 hours between feedings and then another 3 during the night. Last night he did 4 1/2 and 4! YEAH!!! I'm really hoping this will become habit. We've done 4 hours a couple times before, but randomly. I think I actually got a total of 7 hours last night!! WOW!:)

Caedmon had a doctor's appointment yesterday. He is one fast growing boy! He weighed 11 lbs. and measured 23 3/4 inches long! No wonder my arms feel like they're going to fall off! Dr. said he's above average for his length. He's just about out grown his 0 - 3 month clothes. I want to know how clothes are supposed to fit a baby for a 3 month period of time?! They grow too fast to wear the same thing for three months!

The house continues to get dirtier and I'm trying my best to ignore it - very difficult for me! I'm barely keeping up with laundry and dishes! How do you nurse, change diapers, sleep when he sleeps(that's what I've been told to do) and get anything done around the house?! How do moms go back to work?! And I only have one child - I can't even imagine more! Moms are an amazing bunch of woman! I have lots to say to anyone who has negative remarks about being a stay-at-home mom! You think we have it easy 'cause we don't go out and work - I've never known so much work!

Anyway...that's the latest. Now, I'm off to join my sleeping son...hopefully. I think he has a radar that goes off as soon as mommy lays down, and it tells him to wake up!:/

Four Weeks Old - 10/26/07

Thumbs up dude :)

I love my mommy!

He's sitting on my lap here. He's quite smiley, and I'm pretty sure it's more than just reflex now. He smiles all the time when I'm talking to him.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Enjoying the Fall Air

Corey took Caedmon outside for some fresh air. I came out to get some pictures and ended up getting in the pictures.

Marriage Retreat...

with a baby!:) Yes, Corey and I went on a Marriage Retreat with couples from our church with a 3 week old baby. Who says a baby ties you down?:)

Regardless of the fact that we weren't alone, we had a wonderful time! Caedmon slept for a half hour Friday night and allowed Corey and I to enjoy the jacuzzi in our room. Saturday morning we went for an hour hike on the North Country Trail. I didn't realize we'd be going for a walk, so I was completely unprepared. Pastor Steve gave me this orange vest and we zipped Caedmon up inside it. He was snug as bug in a rug.:) The vest definitely helped with his weight, but it was still quite the excursion for me! Corey took a turn on the way back, at which time Caedmon decided he was hungry! Sorry Dad!

After only 4 hours of sleep (fun in the jacuzzi, breakfast at 8, and Caedmon's feedings through the night), we came home and took a nap!

It was a memorable weekend!:)

Three Weeks Old

These are almost a week late. Tomorrow he'll be 4 weeks old. Hopefully I'll get 4 week old pictures posted more quickly!

Still just as cute as ever!

Change of Heart

A friend told me that it seemed better for the family as a whole to have a mother working part time rather than dad working more than one job to make ends meet. This friend had observed his brother's family and his brother was working multiple jobs, and therefore, was never able to spend time with his wife and kids. This strategy of sharing the responsibility made sense to me.

Corey worked 3 nights of his new job and realized it just wasn't going to work out. He worked Monday night, 8p.m. - 6a.m. and came home to get a couple hours of sleep before he was off to G.R. for his internship and class and then he would have been back to work...without any sleep. It was an impossible schedule!

We talked about the job opportunity in my field and decided that I could at least apply and offer only part time. This I am o.k. with. Not that it won't be difficult, but I can make the same kind of money interpreting part time that Corey would make working full time. It makes sense for me to try and help out.

Corey is a wonderful dad and should be able to spend time with his son! I watched him as he held Caedmon after having worked a couple days at his second job and listened as he said to him "I haven't seen you in a couple days." It breaks my heart to think that I might be like a single parent just so we can pay the bills.

But it would only be justifiable for me to work part time if I'm able to get a job interpreting. Working at Hallmark part time would not bring in enough money to be worth it. Then again, when we get down to just the basics, we can live on a lot less money than we realize!

All this to say, I sent in my resume and I'm truly hoping it'll work out! I think we'd be able to work it so that Corey and I can take care of Caedmon while the other is working; which is the only way I'd want it to work! I've always said I didn't spend 9 months with a child growing inside me and 12 hours in labor trying to get it out just to ship him off to daycare.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Being a Mom

I think I'm finally settling into motherhood.

After my last post about wanting a job, I had a couple people call me about an interpreting job opportunity in the school system. I got online and checked it out, and then completely stressed out. I laid Caedmon down and went to bed myself and about 10 minutes later got up and found Corey and started crying...again!

I cannot even imagine going back to work right now, especially full time. How could I possibly leave my little guy all day, five days a week??!! I wouldn't be able to breast feed, and he's still getting up every 3 hours or so through the night - I can't imagine working on so little sleep!

At first, Corey had told me to go for it, we could make it work. After he realized I was stressed out about it, he told me I should do what I want, and just enjoy Caedmon right now.

But, the other side of this job thing is survival. Do I need to get a job so we can continue to pay the bills? Well, within a day, that question was answered. Corey got a job yesterday. He'll be working full-time, third shift.

Even though I have come to the solid conclusion that I want to stay at home and take care of Caedmon right now, I'm feeling like I'm not doing my part. Corey will be working at the church (which is supposedly part-time, but ends up being more like full-time), going to class, doing his internship, and now working a full-time job third shift. I have no idea when he's going to get any sleep. And then there's the issue of spending time with Caedmon, and me as well. I know he enjoys being a dad and hanging out with Caedmon, and I feel like he's being robbed of that.

It strikes me that God seemed to make it so that mom and baby must be attached at the hip; of course, until formula and breast pumps were invented. So, I guess until Caedmon is slightly less dependent on me, this will be our plight. Why does everything have to revolve around money?! Such a bummer!

Corey starts his new job tonight. He's not thrilled and I'm hating it, but in his words, "You gotta do whatcha gotta do." And as bad as I feel about it, he's allowing me to stay home for now by doing this.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Afternoon Nap

Everyone always seems to have a picture of daddy and baby sleeping together, and I wondered if I'd ever have the opportunity to capture such a precious moment. I got my chance today.:)

Two Weeks Old

Wow, where does time go?! It feels like forever ago that I went through the labor and delivery of Mr. Caedmon. Here are some pics taken on Friday, October 12.

Trying to capture a smile while holding him.
He's quite smiley, even if it is only reflex at this age.

Looking cute as always!

As of Wednesday, Caedmon was 8 lbs. 11 oz. and 23 inches long.
Whew! We're going to be too long for those 0-3 month clothes in no time!
We're already about touching both sides of the cradle when stretched out!

Postpartum Blues - Phase II

So after I wrote the last post regarding this subject, I started feeling better. The blues only lasted a few days...so I thought. But then I started struggling with different aspects of this new chapter of my life.

All my life, all I ever wanted to be was a wife and a mother - specifically a stay-at-home mom. I went to college with the intent of "having something to fall back on" if I ever needed it. But my plan was to get married and have children.:) I never considered myself to be the career type. My best friend in college had the same plan. But then we both got married and ended up supporting our husbands through college. Well, my husband's still in college...

Anyway... I now have everything. I've been a wife for a little over 3 years and now I'm a mother. I got laid off from my job, so I'm a stay-at-home mom for now. And what I thought I'd always wanted is the very thing I'm struggling with.

I'm missing my job. As much as I can't imagine leaving my little one to go back to work, it's driving me crazy being in my house all the time.

I'm having a hard time with feeling like I have a purpose. I know in my head that I have one of the greatest purposes right now - raising a child. But my days are no longer filled with interpreting for pre-K - 5th graders and intelligent conversation with educators. Now I spend all day breast-feeding, changing diapers, and doing laundry and dishes in between; perhaps taking a nap. I'm feeling like life as I know it now is endlessly stretched out before me. I don't even have the weekends to look forward to anymore because everyday presents the same "schedule."

It's difficult to watch Corey go back to his routine - church, school, internship. I know his life has changed with the arrival of Caedmon, but the mechanics of it have changed less so than mine.

I adore my little guy and none of these feelings are directed towards him. I do not wish to go back; I just have to come to grips with where I'm at in life right now.

So, I've been getting out as much as possible. It's nice to have something to do during the day outside of my house. Wednesday night I went to church and youth group and Thursday I went in to the church office to print off a fold bulletins.

Corey tells me that our job provides our identity and with the loss of a job comes the loss of identity. I think this is a sad view, but it is our culture, and I am a part of this culture. So, my identity now... Caedmon's mom I guess... and Corey's wife. Oh how I hate being introduced at church as Corey's wife. Well, that's a whole other subject...

Thursday, October 11, 2007


One can never have too many grandmas...or grandpas!:) Just thought I'd post some pictures of the many grandmas Caedmon has. They have provided lots of love and spoiling!:)

Grandma Pat

Grandma Pat came and visited us in the hospital on Saturday. She brought lots of little clothes for Caedmon!

Grandma Sarah
(and Grandpa Bruce)

This is Corey's dad and step-mom. They came down while we were still in the hospital. They went on a shopping spree for me and Caedmon. Dad said he didn't want to go shopping again for a year!:)

Grandma Cindie

Grandma Cindie brought gifts from New York City where her biological grandson, Oliver, was born 4 days before Caedmon.

Grandma Anne

Grandma Anne came and spent the weekend with us. She gave Caedmon lots of love. She also did our laundry, provided us with meals (Caedmon's first restaurant experiences!), and took me shopping for a few items I had not thought of for the nursery. We are so glad she came to stay! She was a great help!

Friday, October 5, 2007

One Week Old

Where does time go?! I can't believe a week has gone by already! Caedmon is doing great! Cute and sweet as ever! The middle picture is daddy and Caedmon's hands. He loves his daddy; they hang out quite a bit! His hands are always up by his face and head!
Thanks Grandma Pat for the cute outfit!:)

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Postpartum Blues

You truly don't know what to expect from your body after going through such an ordeal as pregnancy, labor and delivery! I think I pretty much skipped the raging hormones that everyone talks about during pregnancy, but they have now caught up with me! Watch out - here come the tears!!! You know it's bad when watching an episode of Family Guy (which I only watch because I happen to be sitting in the living room while my husband watches it) makes you cry!

I've had a real hard time since we got home. And I'm having trouble putting into words even for myself what the trouble seems to be. But this is what I'm thinking and what Corey has helped me to see.

It's almost like going on a vacation. You plan for it months in advance, anticipate it, look forward to it, the time to go finally arrives, you have a blast, and then...you have to come back home and life goes on in it's normal routine fashion again.

I find out I'm pregnant and for 9 months (almost 10) I experience a variety of emotions - disbelief, uncertainty, excitement, etc. That baby grew inside of me and for half of the pregnancy I could feel his presence as he swam and kicked and did gymnastics:). I prepared for his coming into this world by reading books, taking a class, and getting his room ready. Then I waited...and waited and waited! FINALLY, the time comes for him to be born. And then there's labor. And regardless that it may be only 12 hours compared to the 9 months you just spent, it's something your body will never go through for any other reason in life! And the moment I've been waiting for, that I've pictured in my mind, having my baby placed on my chest immediately after delivery; that moment finally arrives! Then there's the newness of it all, the visitors, the celebration, and of course, the hospital stay.

But then you go home. It's still new, Corey's stayed at home all week, visitors still come, but the climax is over. I can't seem to get over the fact that I'm no longer pregnant and I'm no longer anticipating that moment. Don't get me wrong; I have no desire to have that belly back and I'm loving every minute with Caedmon, but...I don't even know.

I think I need some semblance of a routine back, minus Corey going back to work.:) I need to be up and showered and have my day started before noon; I need to be able to do my laundry and pick up around my house; I need to go grocery shopping, or go to church, or just take a walk.

And the worst time of day for me is at night. As soon as it starts getting dark, I become a mess and who knows how many times I might cry or how many tears I might shed.

Corey tells me this is normal. He tells me that my emotions must heal along with my body - that I've been through a lot! He tells me that it might be easier if I can enjoy these valleys rather than fight them.

I'm just hoping these "blues" don't last too long!

Being A Family

I've had blogs going through my head and no time to write. Caedmon is sleeping and I attempted to take a nap, but I've become very bad at falling asleep during the day.:( He'll probably wake up soon and want to eat, so I better type quickly!:)

Today is Day 6 of Caedmon's life and about Day 4 of life at home. Corey and I never talked about what he would do with his responsibilities once baby was born, so I didn't know he would take the week off, and boy am I glad he did! It's amazing how such a small bundle can bring with it soo much work!

Corey is an absolute natural at this dad thing! And from the looks of it, he's loving every minute! I love to sit back and observe the two of them together! Corey's going to have his son at the computer, reading books, and answering Jeopardy questions in no time! It's been such a pleasure to watch Corey being a dad. I didn't have any expectations of Corey, positive or negative, but I think because of my own background, in my mind, the mother is the sole caregiver for the children. So it's been wonderful to fully share the responsibilities of taking care of Caedmon, diaper changing included!:) And Caedmon may be taking after his father with the sleep schedule - he tends to be wide awake in the late hours of the evening, and Corey takes over while I get some sleep.

Caedmon is a wonderful baby! He's not fussy, yet anyway.:) He cries when he's hungry and often when he's getting his diaper changed; otherwise he sleeps and during his awake times, he's just very alert and observant.

We're enjoying being a family - with no interruptions; I'm dreading Corey going back to work, school, and his internship next week!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

A New Chapter In Our Life Begins

September 28, 2007, my precious son, Caedmon Emmanuel, came into this world at 11:50a.m. He weighed 8 lbs. 6ozs. and measured 22 inches long. Whew! Had not expected to have that big of a baby! Totally makes sense now why his moving about towards the end was sooo uncomfortable!

Pic #1 was taken on Day 1, pic #2 was taken on Day 2.

I don't even know where to begin; my mind is spinning with details and I'm not sure what to focus on.

I was starting to feel pretty sure that this day would never come, so as I had contractions throughout the day on Thursday, I basically ignored them. I was so sick of false alarms. Even that night, as they were coming closer together, I continued to ignore them. But then I went to bed at 12:30a.m. and when Corey came back just to "tuck me in":), he never ended up leaving again. As soon as I laid down, they started coming harder and at about 4 min. apart. We counted for a couple hours before we finally decided it was time to go to the hospital and call our doula.
It was so weird to finally be in that hospital for something I'd been waiting for for over 9 months!

Labor is not something you can ever fully prepare for! I thought I was doing really good till my water broke! Wow! Then the pain REALLY started!

My doula was awesome - couldn't have done it without her!

Everything went the way I wanted - no surprises to deal with. But I did about everything I had said I wouldn't.:) Guess you never know till you're in the situation. Had wanted to use a birthing stool rather than laying in bed. I'd learned about gravity being a huge help when you're delivering, but when it came to that point, I couldn't move! I'm not sure I was even conscious - they asked me a couple times if I wanted to switch positions - I don't even think I could answer them. Regardless, my baby was born!:)

My midwife had me pull him up onto my stomach (that was as far as his cord would go), and later I had to ask Corey if I'd even done it; I was so out of it.

I watched Corey cry as Caedmon came out - a precious memory I'll never forget! I cried when he was finally laying on me, although I think my crying was partly involuntary. (My body's never gone through so much!)

What an absolute miracle the entire process of conception all the way to delivery is! How amazing our bodies are! What a gift a baby is!