Thursday, October 4, 2007

Postpartum Blues

You truly don't know what to expect from your body after going through such an ordeal as pregnancy, labor and delivery! I think I pretty much skipped the raging hormones that everyone talks about during pregnancy, but they have now caught up with me! Watch out - here come the tears!!! You know it's bad when watching an episode of Family Guy (which I only watch because I happen to be sitting in the living room while my husband watches it) makes you cry!

I've had a real hard time since we got home. And I'm having trouble putting into words even for myself what the trouble seems to be. But this is what I'm thinking and what Corey has helped me to see.

It's almost like going on a vacation. You plan for it months in advance, anticipate it, look forward to it, the time to go finally arrives, you have a blast, and have to come back home and life goes on in it's normal routine fashion again.

I find out I'm pregnant and for 9 months (almost 10) I experience a variety of emotions - disbelief, uncertainty, excitement, etc. That baby grew inside of me and for half of the pregnancy I could feel his presence as he swam and kicked and did gymnastics:). I prepared for his coming into this world by reading books, taking a class, and getting his room ready. Then I waited...and waited and waited! FINALLY, the time comes for him to be born. And then there's labor. And regardless that it may be only 12 hours compared to the 9 months you just spent, it's something your body will never go through for any other reason in life! And the moment I've been waiting for, that I've pictured in my mind, having my baby placed on my chest immediately after delivery; that moment finally arrives! Then there's the newness of it all, the visitors, the celebration, and of course, the hospital stay.

But then you go home. It's still new, Corey's stayed at home all week, visitors still come, but the climax is over. I can't seem to get over the fact that I'm no longer pregnant and I'm no longer anticipating that moment. Don't get me wrong; I have no desire to have that belly back and I'm loving every minute with Caedmon, but...I don't even know.

I think I need some semblance of a routine back, minus Corey going back to work.:) I need to be up and showered and have my day started before noon; I need to be able to do my laundry and pick up around my house; I need to go grocery shopping, or go to church, or just take a walk.

And the worst time of day for me is at night. As soon as it starts getting dark, I become a mess and who knows how many times I might cry or how many tears I might shed.

Corey tells me this is normal. He tells me that my emotions must heal along with my body - that I've been through a lot! He tells me that it might be easier if I can enjoy these valleys rather than fight them.

I'm just hoping these "blues" don't last too long!

1 comment:

Mark said...

I wish-I wish-I wish--wishing does me no good cause it's always something I want to go back in time and change. I wish I could go back in time and read and comment on this blog when you posted it, rather than now when the conversation will be stale. Thanks Keelie for the poignant revelation of your own self. Revealing your own tough times can really be an encouragement to those of us you share with--it also gives us the motivation to pray for you and to try to reach out when the opportunity presents itself.