I think I'm finally settling into motherhood.
After my last post about wanting a job, I had a couple people call me about an interpreting job opportunity in the school system. I got online and checked it out, and then completely stressed out. I laid Caedmon down and went to bed myself and about 10 minutes later got up and found Corey and started crying...again!
I cannot even imagine going back to work right now, especially full time. How could I possibly leave my little guy all day, five days a week??!! I wouldn't be able to breast feed, and he's still getting up every 3 hours or so through the night - I can't imagine working on so little sleep!
At first, Corey had told me to go for it, we could make it work. After he realized I was stressed out about it, he told me I should do what I want, and just enjoy Caedmon right now.
But, the other side of this job thing is survival. Do I need to get a job so we can continue to pay the bills? Well, within a day, that question was answered. Corey got a job yesterday. He'll be working full-time, third shift.
Even though I have come to the solid conclusion that I want to stay at home and take care of Caedmon right now, I'm feeling like I'm not doing my part. Corey will be working at the church (which is supposedly part-time, but ends up being more like full-time), going to class, doing his internship, and now working a full-time job third shift. I have no idea when he's going to get any sleep. And then there's the issue of spending time with Caedmon, and me as well. I know he enjoys being a dad and hanging out with Caedmon, and I feel like he's being robbed of that.
It strikes me that God seemed to make it so that mom and baby must be attached at the hip; of course, until formula and breast pumps were invented. So, I guess until Caedmon is slightly less dependent on me, this will be our plight. Why does everything have to revolve around money?! Such a bummer!
Corey starts his new job tonight. He's not thrilled and I'm hating it, but in his words, "You gotta do whatcha gotta do." And as bad as I feel about it, he's allowing me to stay home for now by doing this.