Thursday, April 10, 2008

My Little Love

My Little Love,

Last night was very difficult for your mother. You have not been sleeping very well at night and I decided it was time to do something about it.
You woke up at 11p.m. and started crying. I had finally determined in my mind that I needed to do what was best for you no matter how difficult. I let you cry and periodically I'd go in and check on you and comfort you.
Your little arms reached up to me and my heart broke. You wanted me to pick you up, to hold you, comfort you. I wanted to too, in the worst of ways! I even cried with you.
But I started to realize last night that you will be better off if mommy has boundaries and if mommy is consistent. As much as I believe I'm showing my love to you by doing what you want me to do, I'm loving you more by doing what's best for YOU!
Tonight, we tried something new. You ate your rice cereal, played on the floor, got your pjs on and read a book. We said good night to daddy and then I laid you in your crib. You were quite happy and I stood there for a few minutes reassuring you of my love. Then I left.
Sweetheart, you only cried about 5 minutes and then you fell asleep.
My little love, you are my first and therefore, my experiment. I'm so sorry for all the things I will mess up! I'm so sorry I don't know what I'm doing! I'll try to do my best, because I love you more than anything!

5 comments:

The VanderZwaag's said...

How did it go? I know Keelie, what I say won't matter, but be strong...you will make it through! :) Morgan did good last night. You will have good nights & bad nights! HOWEVER, NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS SAY YOU'RE NOT A BAD PARENT!!!!!!! Actually, Morgan just fell asleep eating breakfast. Should I go back to bed?? :) I hope you enjoy your last day off! Thanks again for yesterday. We had a blast (check the blog!)

Baby Love said...

This letter brings tears to my eyes; it reflects on what I feel with Christopher and what we as new parents are going through! Don't ever think of yourself as a bad parent (I hope that you aren't!). Continue with what you are doing, and let us know how it works out!

Keithslady said...

Your last four sentences say it all. I said those same things to Joey over and over for 18 years. No matter what mess ups there are love really does conquer all.

Anonymous said...

Keelie, Oh my heart is with you. Just a couple of weeks ago I wrote my son and apologized for some things I felt let him down over the years. What I received back was a young man greatful for all I gave him and said I had nothing to be sorry for....... Just know you will be your own worse enemy. Even when you don't handle things just right, when he sees your sincere apology, he is learning, mom is human. Mom loves me.Mom loves me so much she is going to do what, at this time, is best for me. Over time he will learn that mom will listen to me. I will be able to talk to her without fear, even when I know punishment is certain BUT she will be fair. ( I wasn't always fair, just ask my kids)
Yep, even at six months he is starting to learn these things. You are and will do great Keelie.
Luv ya Kathy

Joey said...

Yeah, the eldest will get a little screwed up. But I think we turn out alright :)