Thursday, August 16, 2007

Jumbled Thoughts

So I've done a fairly good job all summer of letting stress go and not thinking about the future. I'm not doing such a good job of that anymore... Where does time go??? I am 34 weeks along, which means that if baby comes "on time," I have 6 weeks left; if baby is "early," I have 4 weeks left. Yikes!! I'm stuck between excitement to meet this little one and having my body somewhat back to normal, and terror at the idea that I will soon have to take care of this little one outside of my tummy! And my assumption that "motherly instinct" will kick in after birth is starting to fly out the window. I'm not sure I have a clue what I'm doing! I grew up with a plethora of cousins! I started babysitting at a very young age and I always had a baby on my hip...but I wasn't mom taking care of an infant! My confidence is lacking these days!

Then there's labor! I'm all about doing this naturally, but the unknown is scary. And who in the world should I ask to assist me in the labor room, other than Corey? Perhaps ridiculous, but this is the stuff that fills my thoughts and causes stress.

Next there's finances! I wish I were as laid back as Corey! But school's about to start and I don't have a job. I received my first unemployment check today, and although I'm grateful, it's a huge cut from what I actually made. Back to the drawing board where our budget is concerned and we don't even have a baby to add to the mix yet.

And as I write this, I realize I've forgotten that God is in this mess somewhere. He knows my life, my needs, my concerns. I'm not very good at trusting and waiting. But I'm pretty sure He'll work everything out, even though, from my point of view, He has a crazy way of doing things.

I need to focus; focus on my beautiful gift that's about to enter the world. My little baby who has no idea that there are such issues to even be concerned about. My little bundle who's going to come into this world completely relying on me for care and love. And I think that I can handle at least that!


Biby Cletus said...


I ended up here at your blog searching for blogs on resources related to labrador retrievers. cool blog you have here, keep it up. i'm also interested in dogs and do have a Labrador Retriever named devil ( named after the phantom's dog - i was a huge phantom fan in my childhood ) any way its nice to be here. i'll be back some time later for more updates.

Warm Regards from India

you might find this Labrador Retrievers in our blog interesting. do leave comments there. see ya.


Kerala, India

Anonymous said...

Keelie girl -

I'm so excited for you (both) for this little one.

I had a fear of "what if I really don't know how to be a mum". Guess what - you grow into it - that's all I can say. Because the fear of knowing what every cry meant (which you'll learn... trust me), has turned into how can I be the best mum to this girl child's heart that SHE needs me to be. I feel like I grow as she grows. The funny thing is? The fear - it's always there - it just morphs and changes as your child amplifies and needs you in different ways. But it's good, down deep in your soul good :)


Keelie said...

Is this Katie White I have the pleasure of hearing from?:) Thanks for the encouragement! Are you guys in North Carolina now? Guess I should probably e-mail!:)

Baby Love said...

hi, I stumbled upon your blog. I can relate to what you are going through, because I have been going through it myself! I gave birth to our son in June of this year. It has been a roller coaster of emotions, but wonderful overall. I can relate to that whole "maternal instinct" and trust me it will kick in. Just give yourself time for you and the baby to bond and you will soon be able to understand their needs. Also, the doula is a wonderful idea. I didn't do it myself, but I know people that have and they said it was totally worth it. The husbands don't really know or understand what a woman is going through, so a doula can be beneficial.

After you are home from the hospital, the first month or two can be the most difficult. Don't be afraid to ask for help, even just a friend bringing over food or a family member cooking for you is very helpful. Remember that you need to take care of yourself, so that you can have the energy to take care of your baby!