So I've done a fairly good job all summer of letting stress go and not thinking about the future. I'm not doing such a good job of that anymore... Where does time go??? I am 34 weeks along, which means that if baby comes "on time," I have 6 weeks left; if baby is "early," I have 4 weeks left. Yikes!! I'm stuck between excitement to meet this little one and having my body somewhat back to normal, and terror at the idea that I will soon have to take care of this little one outside of my tummy! And my assumption that "motherly instinct" will kick in after birth is starting to fly out the window. I'm not sure I have a clue what I'm doing! I grew up with a plethora of cousins! I started babysitting at a very young age and I always had a baby on my hip...but I wasn't mom taking care of an infant! My confidence is lacking these days!
Then there's labor! I'm all about doing this naturally, but the unknown is scary. And who in the world should I ask to assist me in the labor room, other than Corey? Perhaps ridiculous, but this is the stuff that fills my thoughts and causes stress.
Next there's finances! I wish I were as laid back as Corey! But school's about to start and I don't have a job. I received my first unemployment check today, and although I'm grateful, it's a huge cut from what I actually made. Back to the drawing board where our budget is concerned and we don't even have a baby to add to the mix yet.
And as I write this, I realize I've forgotten that God is in this mess somewhere. He knows my life, my needs, my concerns. I'm not very good at trusting and waiting. But I'm pretty sure He'll work everything out, even though, from my point of view, He has a crazy way of doing things.
I need to focus; focus on my beautiful gift that's about to enter the world. My little baby who has no idea that there are such issues to even be concerned about. My little bundle who's going to come into this world completely relying on me for care and love. And I think that I can handle at least that!