I've been feeling kind of frustrated lately and here's why. Birth seems a little like death to me in that life goes on no matter what! If you've ever had someone close to you die, I'm sure you just want time to stop. Everyone around you goes on about their lives, continuing to work and make future plans and you just want to crawl into a ball and stay there awhile, grieving and reliving the memories.
So, I'm sure you're wondering how birth can be anything like death.
Well, for me right now, my whole life revolves around the little one inside me. All my thoughts, everything I do these days seem to focus in on baby. For me, everything points to that momentous time of birth and life with baby afterwards. But for everyone else, life still goes on.
I was sitting in a youth leader meeting a few weeks back and felt utterly frustrated that we could be discussing activities we needed to plan for for the next few months. I kept thinking, "But I might go into labor," or "I'll have an infant and I won't be able to participate." I think it's especially frustrating that Corey is in charge of the youth events and so he pretty much has to be involved. And I guess this leaves me feeling kind of alone.
This is probably pretty selfish, but I fear being left out of everything. I remember talking about this with my mother a long time ago and she related her own experience with this. It was after I was born and a group of young adults went to Cedar Point or Great America (can't remember which one) and she had to stay home with me. She said she kind of resented me for it, but realized how selfish she was. I'm not sure I believe she was that selfish. I mean, who wants to be left out?! And this is my fear - stuck at home taking care of baby while Corey goes out and has all the fun.
Perhaps I'll just tag along anyway, with baby on my hip!:)
Don't get me wrong! I love this baby inside of me with all that I am and I'm so excited to have this new little addition to our family! It's just that at times the reality of my life about to change is kind of daunting.
Life does and will go on! Baby will come, hopefully Corey will be close in range, and life will go on... with a few changes.