Help!

It wasn't that long ago when I looked forward to time at home, alone, with nothing going on! It's a rare occasion when you're in the ministry! There's always something going one, either at church or in your home!

But things are different now. Corey and I are both unemployed, and this means day after day of just being in this stinkin' house!:/ It's nice having time together as a family, and we're not even on each other's nerves, but I need a change of scenery and I could use some time with friends!

We have no plans for New Year's Eve, but if we don't do something, I just might have to commit myself!

Job!!!

Friday, Ottawa Area ISD called me and asked if I would still be interested in the job! I interviewed for an interpreting/parapro job right before Thanksgiving, and they got back to me letting me know they'd filled the position full time. So, I've continued to job hunt within school systems. I interviewed in Muskegon for a classroom assistant one-on-one position and didn't get that either. But, the full time person didn't work out for Ottawa, so they're offering me part time and I'll be job sharing with another person! I'm sooo excited! 1) it's in my field, 2) the pay is good, 3) it'll get me out of the house a little, 4) we'll finally have some income we can count on!
The job is working with special needs adults, 18 - 26, working in the community and teaching life skills. I'm really excited!
I'm sure, at some point it'll hit me that I have to leave Caedmon and go back into the work force - I really have enjoyed being at home with him full time! But, my unemployment runs out in February, and Corey hasn't found anything yet, though I've never known a better job hunter!
I start some time after the first of the year - don't know the exact date yet; and I don't know what my schedule will be. I pretty much just said "YES!" and forgot to ask questions.:) Human resources is supposed to get back to me.
God never makes a whole lot of sense right away. I'm not sure why he couldn't have given me the job back when I interviewed for it - it wasn't supposed to start till the first of the year anyway. I suppose he's teaching me patience and trust - wonder if I've learned the lesson...?
In the end, I got exactly what I had hoped for (other than just not working at all) - I had three months at home with Mr. Caedmon. And it's been a wonderful three months! And like Corey said, now when I'm done working for the day, my time with Caedmon will be even more precious!

Let It Snow...

I absolutely LOVE the snow! A couple days ago, it was coming down in big, beautiful flakes, and I just couldn't resist going outside and taking Caedmon with me! He wasn't quite as thrilled as I was - it was kind of cold on the face. I can't wait till he's old enough to go outside and play in it! I need an excuse to play in it myself!:)

Getting smothered by mom...a regular occurrence!:)

Christmas...x3:)

The weekend before Christmas,
we went up to Corey's parents' house to celebrate.

As, you can see, Caedmon is really into this Christmas thing.:)
Slept right through all the opening of gifts!

He finally did wake up to enjoy his new toys!

Christmas Eve, we had dinner with the Lindemulders,
Corey's aunt and uncle and cousins.
We had a wonderful time - ate delicious food,
enjoyed lively conversation
(provided by the guys - Corey and his cousin's husband got into some interesting debates!:)),
and played Catch Phrase.

Aunt Lois and Caedmon

Sarah, Julianna(Janna), and Caedmon

Christmas Day, we drove down to Niles and spent the day with the Colbys,
some very dear friends of ours. Once again, had a wonderful time!

Caedmon is a hit wherever he goes!:)

Grasping Hands

It's so much fun to watch his hands start to hold on to things!
I finally bought him a soft rattle the other day,
but he hasn't quite gotten the hang of holding on to that.
His dog, on the other hand, is squishier and easier to hold on to.

Daddy's Idea of Fun

Corey was attempting to wake him up,
but Caedmon only wakes up when HE'S ready!:)

He's Gonna Be A Reader!

How very interesting!

Mama's friend and my Auntie Heather,
reading with me at Barnes & Noble.

Yeah, Mama bought a new book last night!

A Night Out :)

This past Tuesday night, Corey's class was canceled due to weather. On his way home, he informed me he would be babysitting that night. I asked "who?" I was slow on the uptake...Caedmon of course. He told me I needed to get out of the house and I would be going to a movie with some friends - he'd set it all up already.:) I argued for a little while that I was just fine, I do get out of the house, blah, blah, blah. But I guess the point was to get out on my own. So I finally gave in. I even dressed up a little for the occasion - jeans and a "sexy" shirt (for those of you who know me, this doesn't mean much).

Anyway, I didn't realize how much fun I would have being single for a night. I even enjoyed the movie, which I hadn't known a whole lot about.

Needless to say, I couldn't forget for too long that I am still a wife and especially a mother. As soon as the movie was over, I booked it out of there, hoping Corey was fairing o.k. with Caedmon. Caedmon was definitely ready to eat when I got home! (No, we didn't starve him - Corey fed him once while I was gone.)

I'm thankful for my husband who realizes my life centers around my house and my baby and once in awhile I need to break out!:) Thanks Babe!

Intelligence:)

Caedmon had his first experience with reading a book yesterday (on his own). We went to church to do the bulletin and Aunt Lori set him up with a book and rattle. I'm such a new mother - I learn so much from watching Aunt Lori with him.
I couldn't believe his attention span! He sat there talking to that book and laughing at it for 20 minutes! It was sooo cute to watch. I'm so enjoying watching him grow and learn new things. He's recently figured out that his fist tastes really good! He went from swinging his arms with no control, to bringing his fist to his mouth time and again!

He's so much fun!:)

Lady's Man

Took my three girls from youth group out to Barnes & Noble a week ago. We had a grand time sipping on Frappicinos/hot chocolate and reading out of a "Would You Rather" book.

Caedmon, of course, has captured their hearts!:)

Love you girls!:)

Closure

I struggled with what to do today. Do I go to church and cross paths with people who believe my husband is a heretic? At the same time, there are so many deep relationships I have there and I can't just never see them again.

I ended up going, took Caedmon with me and left Corey at home, for understandable reasons. I felt disloyal to him, going back to the place that has ultimately rejected him, mingling with people that believe slanderous things about him. And I hurt for him! I wish I could take the pain away! I'm mad! I wish I could make people see the person I know and love for what he really is!

I sat with a dear friend and balled through communion and the last songs. I cried for Corey. I cried for the loss of my family there. I cried over the history and memories made in that church.

Services ended and I continued to cry as different people came up and hugged me. It was good to let the tears flow and let people love me!

We had a potluck after services and it was good to sit with my friends, my family and just converse and laugh about nothing in general.

It may be my last Sunday there. I'm not sure I have the energy to go through another Sunday like today.

As I sat in the meeting this afternoon in which Pastor informed the people of Corey's resignation, it just felt like rejection. He cried and I know he loves us, but asking for a resignation because of a "gut feeling" just feels yucky. I wish reasons given were not so vague. But I guess I can't change it.

I didn't say good-bye - I could not have. But I was embraced by many dear friends and I hope the healing process can begin.

Off the Charts

Caedmon had his two months doctor appointment yesterday. It was not a fun one - he received 5 vaccinations.:( He screamed, and it was his "this hurts, what are you doing to me?!" scream. I almost cried with him. I keep wondering if we did the right thing and feel like I should have done more research. I know quite a few people who have opted out of vaccinations, and my family, immediate and extended, didn't get them growing up. On top of putting all those foreign things into his body yesterday, we had to give him Tylenol last night to help with the pain.:( Poor baby!

But I guess there was a fun part to the visit. He weighed 14lbs.6oz. and measured 25 3/4 inches long! The doctor always brings up a scale to show where he is percentile wise. I'm told he's in a percentile all his own! His weight is at least near the 5th percentile, but his height is off the charts! Doc says he's going to be tall. I wonder if at some point he'll slow down and let all the other kids his age catch up, or if he'll just keep going!

Loss

My husband was asked for his resignation from our church this Monday. I did not see this coming! I always thought Corey would be the one to decide when it was time to leave.

The last few months, I've felt such a strong sense of family there! I've been attending the church for over 5 years now and Corey's been associate pastor for 3. I think Corey's talked about being done ever since he started, and there were times I was ready to leave as well. Funny thing is, he was finally feeling like things were really going well and I was feeling like I could never leave the family that I've found. And then this...

I'm utterly lost! I balled my eyes out Monday night, felt kind of numb yesterday and balled again tonight at youth group. I feel like I'm losing my family! I am.

The youth seemed lost after hearing the news, and it breaks my heart!

I've done a lot of moving and gone through many changes, many churches since college. Each change was made smoothly, with an anticipation of the adventure. Saying good-bye was always sad, but not too difficult. Perhaps that's how it is when you're young and single.

But I've gone through the most changes in my life just since I've been at Bethel. Changes spiritually, theologically, and personally. I got married in that church, became "the wife of the associate pastor", met one of my best friends, had my first baby... I can't believe how much of my life has happened in that church!

And I don't want to start over. I'm not that young, single girl anymore. I was perfectly content with my life, and now my life has been thrown topsy-turvy.

God has a plan. He has to. But he never makes sense! At first anyway.

It hurts. It hurts real bad. And it makes me think that as a wife of a man in ministry, I should keep my relationships shallow, because inevitably you'll leave the church at some point, and with it all those friendships. Maybe you don't have to leave all the friendships, but it's just not the same when you no longer are working side by side with a common goal.

I love my Bethel family. I truly don't know what I'm going to do without them.

Tree Hunting

It has become tradition to cut our own Christmas tree down. We've done it since our first year of marriage. A tradition that Corey puts up a fuss about every year, but goes along with it for my sake.:) The last two years we've gone with some friends of ours, Keith and Amy. This year we added a couple more people - Heather (my dearest friend!) and... CAEDMON!:) He, of course, had absolutely no idea what he was apart of and slept through all of it, despite the fact that it was quite cold and windy and mom and dad left his face exposed to the elements.:/ But the rest of his body was quite toasty thanks to a gift from Corey's aunt!:) Anyway, much fun had by all!

Corey with our little bear.:) Keith in the background.

The gang.

We found our tree!

Thanksgiving

We had a nice Thanksgiving - went up to Corey's parents. It was our first long road trip with Caedmon and he is excellent in the car! He passed out right away, even though it'd been about 2 hours since his last feeding when we got started. He went 5 hours between feedings! We didn't have to stop till Grayling, about 2 1/2 hours up!
Corey's step-mom treated us like the king and queen. When dad greeted us when we first got there, he got down on his knees and addressed us as such.lol Corey's step-sister and family have been living with them for almost a year now due to their house burning down. So there wasn't a lot of room and we planned to get a hotel. But his parents gave up their bedroom to sleep in the kid's room. So we had ample room and our own bathroom, which Sarah made her vanity into a changing table as well.

This is Corey's dad with his 2 biological grandchildren. Maria is Corey's brother's little girl. We found out this weekend that not only is Caedmon the first grandchild to carry on the LeCureux name, but he's also the first great-grandchild to do so! Wow!:)

Here's Sarah (Corey's step-mom) with Caedmon. Good thing she doesn't read this blog - she scolded us all weekend for taking her picture! She held him every chance she got.:)

This of course is me with Caedmon and Henry (Corey's step-sister's little boy). He's quite an aggressive little guy, but he was a lover with Caedmon - was constantly giving him kisses. It was so sweet!:)

Job

I had my job interview for the interpreter/parapro position in Holland last Wednesday. I think the interview went well. I answer questions very honestly, meaning I don't do any b.s.ing. They asked me why I was interesting in the job... My answer: "Well, to be perfectly honest, it's the only job out there with the title interpreter." After I said the first part, they cut in with "it's a job" and laughed. So anyway, regardless, I think it went well. But they told me at the end that they really want someone full time and they had people interested in taking it as a full time job. So, I'm not really expecting I'll get it.:( We'll see. Still haven't heard back from them.

Been Awhile

It's been awhile! Life has been kind of crazy this last week and this week is Thanksgiving! Where does time go?! It doesn't feel like the holiday season yet. Perhaps it's the lack of cold weather. Most people become depressed because of the cold weather and snow - I get depressed when we don't have a good Michigan winter! Last year was bad; I hope this year isn't a repeat!

I have an interview on Wednesday for an interpreting job in Holland (MI):). It's a full time job, but I wrote in my cover letter that I am only available for part time. The fact that I have an interview I think is a good sign. We'll see. I would like to get the job, even though I've become quite comfortable with life as it is!

We're going up north to spend Thanksgiving with Corey's parents.

Just thought I'd write real quick to let everyone know I'm still here - we're all alive and well...but Caedmon got sick the end of last week.:( Don't know how that happened! Talk about feeling ignorant! I didn't know what to do for him, so I had to make a few phone calls. It's just a cold - he's congested in his nose and it's draining into his throat. I think he's getting better - he didn't sound too bad today. I feel so sorry for him!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all!

Hopefully I'll have time to post some pictures and write more next week!

6 Weeks Old

How big is Caedmon? ...... So big!:)

As of Thursday, we graduated to the next size in clothing - 3/6 months. He doesn't fill them out in bulk, but he definitely does in length!

We've also been sleeping longer at night...hallelujah! Our pattern has been 5 - 6 hours to start and then 3 - 4. I'm feeling much better with more consistent sleep!

B & N

Last night Caedmon took his first trip to Barnes and Noble. With mommy and daddy of course! And we just couldn't leave without purchasing a book. The first line of this great book is: "I am your parent; you are my child. I am your quiet place; you are my wild."

Baby Shower

The church threw me a baby shower. Here's the last of us, still hangin' around chatting. It was such a nice shower! They did gift cards instead of gifts since I already have everything big. I just have to keep up with my ever growing boy in clothing and diapers. So the gift cards/money was a great idea! Elaine was in charge and she did such a cool thing with the center pieces for the tables. Last week at youth group, we had the sex talk, so the middle schoolers had to go else where and Elaine and a couple other youth leaders took them to Barnes and Noble. She told everyone to go pick out children's books for my shower. What a cool idea! Along with a book also sat a ball of some sort - basketball, baseball, football, soccer ball. Caedmon is all set...with books and sports equipment! And we have gift cards galore, which will help immensely for the next few months!

First Halloween

Halloween has never been a favorite holiday of mine. I actually caught myself looking at costumes for Caedmon, but in the end, just went with an outfit he already had. Decided the whole family would be Michigan Wolverine fans (I knew I wouldn't get Corey into any kind of a costume anyway...the Cat in the Hat was a little too much for him last year).:)

The Latest

My body finally had enough - I started getting sick the end of last week. I was surprised it took 4 weeks before it decided to shut down - must be a mom thing, 'cause I never do well with little sleep! Frustration was setting in! No sleep and now I'm sick! Then Sunday night he went 4 1/2 hours between feedings and then another 3 during the night. Last night he did 4 1/2 and 4! YEAH!!! I'm really hoping this will become habit. We've done 4 hours a couple times before, but randomly. I think I actually got a total of 7 hours last night!! WOW!:)

Caedmon had a doctor's appointment yesterday. He is one fast growing boy! He weighed 11 lbs. and measured 23 3/4 inches long! No wonder my arms feel like they're going to fall off! Dr. said he's above average for his length. He's just about out grown his 0 - 3 month clothes. I want to know how clothes are supposed to fit a baby for a 3 month period of time?! They grow too fast to wear the same thing for three months!

The house continues to get dirtier and I'm trying my best to ignore it - very difficult for me! I'm barely keeping up with laundry and dishes! How do you nurse, change diapers, sleep when he sleeps(that's what I've been told to do) and get anything done around the house?! How do moms go back to work?! And I only have one child - I can't even imagine more! Moms are an amazing bunch of woman! I have lots to say to anyone who has negative remarks about being a stay-at-home mom! You think we have it easy 'cause we don't go out and work - I've never known so much work!

Anyway...that's the latest. Now, I'm off to join my sleeping son...hopefully. I think he has a radar that goes off as soon as mommy lays down, and it tells him to wake up!:/

Four Weeks Old - 10/26/07

Thumbs up dude :)

I love my mommy!

He's sitting on my lap here. He's quite smiley, and I'm pretty sure it's more than just reflex now. He smiles all the time when I'm talking to him.

Enjoying the Fall Air

Corey took Caedmon outside for some fresh air. I came out to get some pictures and ended up getting in the pictures.

Marriage Retreat...

with a baby!:) Yes, Corey and I went on a Marriage Retreat with couples from our church with a 3 week old baby. Who says a baby ties you down?:)

Regardless of the fact that we weren't alone, we had a wonderful time! Caedmon slept for a half hour Friday night and allowed Corey and I to enjoy the jacuzzi in our room. Saturday morning we went for an hour hike on the North Country Trail. I didn't realize we'd be going for a walk, so I was completely unprepared. Pastor Steve gave me this orange vest and we zipped Caedmon up inside it. He was snug as bug in a rug.:) The vest definitely helped with his weight, but it was still quite the excursion for me! Corey took a turn on the way back, at which time Caedmon decided he was hungry! Sorry Dad!

After only 4 hours of sleep (fun in the jacuzzi, breakfast at 8, and Caedmon's feedings through the night), we came home and took a nap!

It was a memorable weekend!:)

Three Weeks Old

These are almost a week late. Tomorrow he'll be 4 weeks old. Hopefully I'll get 4 week old pictures posted more quickly!

Still just as cute as ever!

Change of Heart

A friend told me that it seemed better for the family as a whole to have a mother working part time rather than dad working more than one job to make ends meet. This friend had observed his brother's family and his brother was working multiple jobs, and therefore, was never able to spend time with his wife and kids. This strategy of sharing the responsibility made sense to me.

Corey worked 3 nights of his new job and realized it just wasn't going to work out. He worked Monday night, 8p.m. - 6a.m. and came home to get a couple hours of sleep before he was off to G.R. for his internship and class and then he would have been back to work...without any sleep. It was an impossible schedule!

We talked about the job opportunity in my field and decided that I could at least apply and offer only part time. This I am o.k. with. Not that it won't be difficult, but I can make the same kind of money interpreting part time that Corey would make working full time. It makes sense for me to try and help out.

Corey is a wonderful dad and should be able to spend time with his son! I watched him as he held Caedmon after having worked a couple days at his second job and listened as he said to him "I haven't seen you in a couple days." It breaks my heart to think that I might be like a single parent just so we can pay the bills.

But it would only be justifiable for me to work part time if I'm able to get a job interpreting. Working at Hallmark part time would not bring in enough money to be worth it. Then again, when we get down to just the basics, we can live on a lot less money than we realize!

All this to say, I sent in my resume and I'm truly hoping it'll work out! I think we'd be able to work it so that Corey and I can take care of Caedmon while the other is working; which is the only way I'd want it to work! I've always said I didn't spend 9 months with a child growing inside me and 12 hours in labor trying to get it out just to ship him off to daycare.

Being a Mom

I think I'm finally settling into motherhood.

After my last post about wanting a job, I had a couple people call me about an interpreting job opportunity in the school system. I got online and checked it out, and then completely stressed out. I laid Caedmon down and went to bed myself and about 10 minutes later got up and found Corey and started crying...again!

I cannot even imagine going back to work right now, especially full time. How could I possibly leave my little guy all day, five days a week??!! I wouldn't be able to breast feed, and he's still getting up every 3 hours or so through the night - I can't imagine working on so little sleep!

At first, Corey had told me to go for it, we could make it work. After he realized I was stressed out about it, he told me I should do what I want, and just enjoy Caedmon right now.

But, the other side of this job thing is survival. Do I need to get a job so we can continue to pay the bills? Well, within a day, that question was answered. Corey got a job yesterday. He'll be working full-time, third shift.

Even though I have come to the solid conclusion that I want to stay at home and take care of Caedmon right now, I'm feeling like I'm not doing my part. Corey will be working at the church (which is supposedly part-time, but ends up being more like full-time), going to class, doing his internship, and now working a full-time job third shift. I have no idea when he's going to get any sleep. And then there's the issue of spending time with Caedmon, and me as well. I know he enjoys being a dad and hanging out with Caedmon, and I feel like he's being robbed of that.

It strikes me that God seemed to make it so that mom and baby must be attached at the hip; of course, until formula and breast pumps were invented. So, I guess until Caedmon is slightly less dependent on me, this will be our plight. Why does everything have to revolve around money?! Such a bummer!

Corey starts his new job tonight. He's not thrilled and I'm hating it, but in his words, "You gotta do whatcha gotta do." And as bad as I feel about it, he's allowing me to stay home for now by doing this.

Afternoon Nap

Everyone always seems to have a picture of daddy and baby sleeping together, and I wondered if I'd ever have the opportunity to capture such a precious moment. I got my chance today.:)

Two Weeks Old

Wow, where does time go?! It feels like forever ago that I went through the labor and delivery of Mr. Caedmon. Here are some pics taken on Friday, October 12.

Trying to capture a smile while holding him.

He's quite smiley, even if it is only reflex at this age.

Looking cute as always!

As of Wednesday, Caedmon was 8 lbs. 11 oz. and 23 inches long.
Whew! We're going to be too long for those 0-3 month clothes in no time!
We're already about touching both sides of the cradle when stretched out!

Postpartum Blues - Phase II

So after I wrote the last post regarding this subject, I started feeling better. The blues only lasted a few days...so I thought. But then I started struggling with different aspects of this new chapter of my life.

All my life, all I ever wanted to be was a wife and a mother - specifically a stay-at-home mom. I went to college with the intent of "having something to fall back on" if I ever needed it. But my plan was to get married and have children.:) I never considered myself to be the career type. My best friend in college had the same plan. But then we both got married and ended up supporting our husbands through college. Well, my husband's still in college...

Anyway... I now have everything. I've been a wife for a little over 3 years and now I'm a mother. I got laid off from my job, so I'm a stay-at-home mom for now. And what I thought I'd always wanted is the very thing I'm struggling with.

I'm missing my job. As much as I can't imagine leaving my little one to go back to work, it's driving me crazy being in my house all the time.

I'm having a hard time with feeling like I have a purpose. I know in my head that I have one of the greatest purposes right now - raising a child. But my days are no longer filled with interpreting for pre-K - 5th graders and intelligent conversation with educators. Now I spend all day breast-feeding, changing diapers, and doing laundry and dishes in between; perhaps taking a nap. I'm feeling like life as I know it now is endlessly stretched out before me. I don't even have the weekends to look forward to anymore because everyday presents the same "schedule."

It's difficult to watch Corey go back to his routine - church, school, internship. I know his life has changed with the arrival of Caedmon, but the mechanics of it have changed less so than mine.

I adore my little guy and none of these feelings are directed towards him. I do not wish to go back; I just have to come to grips with where I'm at in life right now.

So, I've been getting out as much as possible. It's nice to have something to do during the day outside of my house. Wednesday night I went to church and youth group and Thursday I went in to the church office to print off a fold bulletins.

Corey tells me that our job provides our identity and with the loss of a job comes the loss of identity. I think this is a sad view, but it is our culture, and I am a part of this culture. So, my identity now... Caedmon's mom I guess... and Corey's wife. Oh how I hate being introduced at church as Corey's wife. Well, that's a whole other subject...

Grandmas

One can never have too many grandmas...or grandpas!:) Just thought I'd post some pictures of the many grandmas Caedmon has. They have provided lots of love and spoiling!:)

Grandma Pat

Grandma Pat came and visited us in the hospital on Saturday. She brought lots of little clothes for Caedmon!

Grandma Sarah
(and Grandpa Bruce)

This is Corey's dad and step-mom. They came down while we were still in the hospital. They went on a shopping spree for me and Caedmon. Dad said he didn't want to go shopping again for a year!:)

Grandma Cindie

Grandma Cindie brought gifts from New York City where her biological grandson, Oliver, was born 4 days before Caedmon.

Grandma Anne

Grandma Anne came and spent the weekend with us. She gave Caedmon lots of love. She also did our laundry, provided us with meals (Caedmon's first restaurant experiences!), and took me shopping for a few items I had not thought of for the nursery. We are so glad she came to stay! She was a great help!

One Week Old

Where does time go?! I can't believe a week has gone by already! Caedmon is doing great! Cute and sweet as ever! The middle picture is daddy and Caedmon's hands. He loves his daddy; they hang out quite a bit! His hands are always up by his face and head!
Thanks Grandma Pat for the cute outfit!:)